"I Want You To Help Me Die"

Wow!!! I am spending a day working on some homework and catching up on my DVR.  I was 7 episodes behind on Private Practice so I am just now see the episode that was in part a follow up to the one that I talked about a few months earlier. Part of the story was about whether or not the character should get tested for HD after her mother passed away from the disease.  Private Practice Episode
The friend (Michelle) of Amelia's that was diagonosed with HD in this previous episode has just come back from a 6 month vacation in Italy.  She has begun to exhibit tremors and even a few seizures.  Michelle has returned from Italy and told Amelia "I want you to help me die." I will let you make your own choices on how you feel about that statement but I will share my thoughts with you, too. 
Robert has often joked that when he can no longer take care of himself and do the simple things like getting dressed or using the restroom on his own, he wants me to shoot him.  While he does make jokes about it, there is an underlying point to this statement.  He spent time having to change is mother when she could no longer do it herself and he hated every minute of it.  He doesn't want to have to put me or anyone else through it.  It is in part due to his own sense of dignity but also that part of him that does not want to be dependent on anybody else for his own personal well being. So, there is a bit of seriousness behind his jokes.  I get that.  I know my husband and how he thinks and I also know how he feels about relying on someone else to take care of him.  He hates it even now when I try to take care of him in some way when he can do it himself. 
But, help him die? I don't think so! To me, that is playing God.  And last I checked, I am not God and I have no desire to play that role.  I fully believe that God has a plan and a time table for how all of this is going to work out. It isn't up to me or Robert or Michelle or Amelia to circumvent God's plan. And trying to do so can seriously backfire.
Amelia agrees to help Michelle die.  She begins a cocktail of three drugs - a barbiturate that relaxes the body, a paralytic that suppress the body's many different systems and finally a potassium solution that essentially stops the heart and kills the person. When Amelia injects the barbiturate, he causes Michelle to have trouble breathing. Instead of continuing with the process, she tells Amelia to stop and that she doesn't want to die anymore.  Not like that, anyway.  So, she is rushed to the hospital and survives. Then, a few nights later, Amelia comes home to find Michelle dead after she overdosed on Oxycontin or something.
I have so many emotions swirling inside me after watching this episode.  In a lot of ways, it seems to me that she took the chicken's way out of it all. Instead of having to deal with the life that God has given her for whatever reason and she is throwing it back in His face.  She chose to do it on her terms instead of His. On the other hand, I can sort of sympathize with her.  I can only imagine what it is like to have to live with that diagnosis and the many symptoms that are associated with it. Having seen what Robert's mother went through and what caring for her did to him and his brothers, I can see how some people might not want to wish that on their loved ones.  But does that make it right?
When a person makes the decision to be tested for HD, they are required to undergo counseling - both genetic and psychological - as part of the process.  The reason is because of the emotional side effects that come with the diagnosis.  Whether positive or negative, there is an emotional roller coaster that is associated with the diagnosis. Both episodes of Private Practice do a very good job at showcasing the roller coaster ride..  But seeking counseling was not mentioned.  Maybe it should have been.
But, still, that doesn't make what she did okay.  Yes, the disease is brutal. Not only on the person living with the disease but those who have to care for that person, too.  However, suicide is not the solution. And when it comes time, I will not be able to help Robert do it.  I will respect his wishes for the DNR and no feeding tube or any other type of life extending measures. I will not be responsible for playing God though and removing Robert from this earth before it is his time.
And while I do thank Private Practice for shedding light on the emotional turmoil that a person must go through, I think they took the easy way out.  Michelle was in the beginning stages of the disease and still had a lot of life ahead of her.  Yes, she had tremors and they were still there when with medication, but they were not as bad as they were without medication. She could still talk, walk, eat and generally take care of herself. It was the beginning of the symptoms.  Instead of living with the disease and surviving, she decided to make a decision that was not really up to her.  She used her own timetable and played God. She ended her life before it was over and left behind a swarm of people that were hurt because she left them.
Suicide is not the answer.  While the disease is hard for everyone involved - the diagnosed and the caregivers - we have to rely on God to work it out on His terms. And besides, with the many advancements in medications to treat the symptoms and the testing that is being done every single day, there could be a cure for this disease tomorrow.  Do you want to end your life today knowing that tomorrow might be the day that could have saved it and allowed you to live a normal life?
If you want to see the episode, here is the link to it.  Private Practice - I want you to help me die.