Putting Yourself First

Today, I want to talk to the caregivers. I want to talk to you about the importance of taking care of yourself. Mentally, physically and emotionally. 

The last three years have been a lot. I’ve detailed some of it in previous blogs. 

The last 12 months have probably been even more stressful than anything I have had to deal with before.

Here is a very high level view:

September 11, 2022 Grandma who had COPD and COVID pneumonia was moved to hospice while Robert and were on vacation in Hawaii

September 18, 2022 Grandma passed away

September 23, 2022 We bury grandma and I develop a tear on my retina

September 26, 2022 I have my retina repaired with a laser 

September 28, 2022 Robert had a bone marrow biopsy because of his low platelet count

October 2, 2022 Mom (stepmom) has hip replacement surgery

October 8, 2022 Mom has a heart attack

October 10, 2022 Mom has open heart surgery to repair three blockages and remove a cyst between her heart and lungs. 

Weekends between October 16 and October 29 are spent in the continuing care facility with her so she was not alone because the staff there left a lot to be desired and none of us were comfortable not having someone there with her the whole time. Normal PT for her hip was hindered by her recovery from the heart surgery and PT for the heart was thwarted by her hip recovery. 

In March, Robert was involved in a car accident and our car was temporarily "lost" between when the tow company picked it up and when it made it to the repair place a week later. Then, a couple of things that should have been repaired were not and we had to take it back.

We had the "joy"of learning all the ins and outs of the many different aspects of Medicare so Robert can be covered. 

My job that I truly love has been frustrating me for a variety of reasons. 

In July, Robert had his fall that resulted in staples in his head and the hospital stay as well as more doctors and more appointments. 

We had to replace our A/C during one of the hottest summers on record in Texas. We literally hit 102 this past Sunday if that give you any indication how bad it has been. Then, about two weeks later, we had to replace a dishwasher that broke and have a fridge that will probably need to be replaced in the next year or so. 

A couple weeks ago, my mother (birth mom) found a lump during her yearly mammogram. Both of her older sisters are already survivors of breast cancer. She has had a biopsy and we are waiting for results of that. Initial reaction from the biopsy is that it doesn't look good. 

There has also been some turmoil going on in the lives of some dear friends of ours that is affecting us emotionally in the last few weeks. 

Finally, if all of this was not enough, the medication that I have been on for over 11 years for my ankylosing spondylitis (think Rheumatoid Arthritis on steroids) has become less effective so my pain levels have increased dramatically. Almost a year later and we still haven't figured out a new solution that is effective at reducing my pain levels to the manageable levels I was at before the previous medication began to lose it effectiveness. The stress of all the above doesn't help that either. 

All of this to say that I am struggling. Mentally, physically and emotionally. But I haven't said anything to anybody because I don't to be a bother. I keep things from Robert because I don't want to stress him out. That makes his anxiety act up, which makes him depressed and can temporarily exaggerate his HD symptoms. 

But I can't do that anymore. If I am going to take care of him, I have to take care of myself as well. So, I have taken a big step. I have reached out for therapy and am going to start talking to someone about me and all of the stuff I have been keeping bottled in of late.

Most caregivers can probably relate to this. So much of our time and energy is spent taking care of someone else. We put there needs first. Our well-being is often put on the back burner. But sometimes, we have to put ourselves first. Sometimes, we have to be a bit selfish. It's the oxygen mask principle. "Put your mask on first, BEFORE helping others." 

Let this serve as a reminder that it is okay to take a little "me" time once in a while. To be the best caregiver, you have to be at your best. If you need help, ask for it. If you need to talk to a therapist, talk to a therapist. If you need to take medication to help with depression or anxiety, ask for it. It is okay to not be okay. Take the healthy steps you need to in order to be a better caregiver.